Single moms? Some people say "why don't they work and support their kids instead of taking welfare"

The other people say "working moms are neglectful, they need to stay home with their children". How can single mothers win? It seems like whatever they do they are condemned for it. I'm not a single mom, and I would hate to be, I can't imagine how hard it is to raise children alone, so why are people so hard on them?

Single moms? Some people say "why don't they work and support their kids instead of taking welfare"
Well, I'd love to live in K.C.'s world... I catch flack from coworkers, strangers, people on here, even relatives, all who disagree with the time my daughter spends in childcare while I work. I agree that working hard shows a positive example, but there truly are many who don't see it that way.





As for Conservative 1st.... I think you need to find the Young Republican's forum but this is not it. You clearly have no family to speak of, and sound extremely ignorant. It's NOT FOR YOU TO JUDGE how a single mom came to be - that's the point. Your self-righteous, close-minded comments are a perfect representation of the misinformed masses who find it easier to criticize than do anything about it.





In fact, a good half of these answers make me wonder whether they even read the question, as it was obviously pertaining to THEM.





I'm going to have to back TG on this one. He nailed it. And for the rest of you.... it's plenty hard enough to swallow your pride and accept welfare to feed your kids OR to drop them off with someone else for you to work to feed your kids... we don't need the glances at our ring fingers, we don't need the back-handed compliments about "working so many hours" or "thank god you have such-and-such to support you", we don't need the looks in the store.... so get over yourselves and mind your own damned business.
Reply:Most people are so hard because they don't understand and are going on the opipions instilled into them as they were growing up.


I am a single mum. It's a case of damned if you do and damned when you don't. We can't win if we listen to what every one else has to say. There is nothing worse than having opinionated people put in their two bob worth when they simply don't understand what it's like. It is hard enough raising the children that weren't made by just one parent, (And those who have lost a partner to death). Sometimes the children need you at home, and when life permits, great be a stay at home parent. But more often than not, welfare does not cover the costs of raising children and parents are forced to work to make ends meet.


But worrying about what every one else thinks isn't going to pay the bills and give the children 3 meals a day. So to every other single parent out there, good luck.


To every person who has has an opinion on what single parents should or shouldn't be doing, no one wants or needs to hear it. We all have our own lives to live including you so get on with what you think you should or shouldn't be doing. Life's far too short not to.
Reply:those are just the ones who depend on everyone because they are lazy but most are hard working and independent
Reply:you are right. but my kids are paid for by their father and if I were to get a sitter I would first of all have had a nurse for one of my children and secondly my children are top citizens with straight A grades. never ever even a B so my proof is in the pudding. also I would like to say it is a great sacrifice to choose stay home to raise kids. also I wouldn't have it any other way, because if you look around you the kids at a day care have huge issues and bad grades. well most I have seen. none are better then my kids. they are both top of their class. And very social I might add.
Reply:Moms can't win. Period. Especially on this site! We're too strict, too lenient, too lazy, too hard working. I could write a Dr. Seuss book!





Bottom line...do what is best for your family and tune out the noise. Some people are never happy unless they're moaning about someone else.
Reply:They should keep their man, instead of using and discarding him.
Reply:I was a single mother when my son was a baby, (now thankfully I found a guy who loves me, and thinks of my son as his own, we are married and have a new baby girl) And it is really hard, especially when you don't have a college education and your stuck working fast food. (I had my son right after high school). I can see where some people are coming from, because I do know some women who just sit around having baby after baby so they can stay on welfare. But for the most part single moms work hard! When I was alone I had a job at a fast food place and worked long hours, only to have to come home and deal with all the household chores and cooking a caring for my baby all by my self. After all that I still didn't have enough money, I didn't get welfare checks but I had food stamps and medicaid and help paying for child care. I would never want to be in that situation again. (I'm now a stay at home mommy and love being able to spend all day with my kids and then put them down and spend the evening with my hubby)
Reply:my mom is a single mom....





she's a amazing and works she may not spend as much time with us as she could if she wasnt work.





but she sure as he*l doesnt neglect us.





i think single moms are amazing and deserve credit.





and people are hard on you because they're jealous of all you can accomplish and have accomplished.





=)
Reply:Well we should 1st look at how they got themselves in that situation... if they slept around and got pregnant.. it's their own fault theyre in the predicament. If they were married, had kid(s), and the husband died, his life insurance should help out a lot at least while the kids are young, and then when theyre off to school she can get a job. If it comes down to Work, or Welfare, to survive, she should get a job. It's not ideal but its better than showing your kids that mooching off the government is the way to go. They should be taught to work hard; by example.
Reply:I was a single mom with two kids. I worked sometimes sixty hours a week. Most of my paycheck went towards daycare for my children. In addition to daycare, you have rent, utilities, food, clothing. Welfare reimbursed me for my daycare and helped with my rent. We received food stamps for food. I found that during the week I didn't get to spend much time with my kids but the weekends were for them. I was getting up at 4 a.m. to go to work and didn't get home til 5 or 6 p.m. but I made time for my children the best I could. Even when I was married we needed a two income household but unfortunately my husband couldn't hold a job. Then I became disabled. I became a stay at home mom and it drove me crazy because I felt that I should be supporting my family. My children turned out just fine and have excellent work ethics and they don't expect a free ride from anybody. That is what they learned from me by my not being a stay at home mom. I think that they learned something very important Don't you
Reply:people make judgments based on fallacious information. I've been a full time mother, student, and worked p/t. I see both sides of the equation. Don't let what others think get to you. Neglect is a state of being. And always follow your heart.
Reply:Because they are ignorant. Being a single mom is very difficult and anyone who is NOT in that situation should not judge others who are. All the single moms I know work full time (myself included), and sometimes have more than one job just to make ends meet. At one time I had three jobs at once just to provide for my children. I don't think there is anything wrong with working and still getting help (like food or rent assistance). I do think there is something wrong with those who CAN work, but choose not to.
Reply:In some instances, I get angry about welfare. I was in the supermarket and there was a young woman in front of me buying Lobster tails and New York strip steaks and other expensive items. And then she busted out a food stamp card. I looked at my ground turkey and cereal and stuff and became disgusted because I felt like I had just paid for this perfectly abled person's romantic dinner. At the same time, when I see a young woman in her work uniform with her kids in the cart and she's buying healthy foods for her kids and other needed things, I feel welfare is appropriate.
Reply:Raising a child is a no win situation when it comes to other people. Everyone has their own views of everything, and child bearing is a major one of them. It is all about people. If you take notice, this is something that the ones who are giving negative feedback have never had to experience. If you were to look into their lives, you would find things worse than what they are saying about others. That is just the way they work. They find negative things in others lives; therefore, taking eyes off of them for what is wrong in their own life.
Reply:It is very hard! I rarely get a break. I don't use food stamps or the welfare system! Period. But I did at one time and it is hard to get off because of the way it is set up and you can actually eat better on it than without it. But I used it for a very short time only when he was first born. And I was thrilled to get off of it. I hate the welfare system. It is there to keep pepole poverty stricken not to help them.





I work a part time job in the evenings so he is a sleep. Then I work as a landscaper and I clean houses so I can stay with him. He goes with me a lot to my jobs and helps me plant. So he has never been to day care and that is because I worked hard doing other things and going without a lot because I do believe that day cares should be classified as abuse. I haven't seen one that is really good even if people inisist that they are.





I worked at GBI and there is not one daycare that does things that you would have your childeren taken away by defacs if it were done in your home.





Kids don't tell because they don't have the voculabry and you call tell them to tell you all you want and talk about bad touch good touch and so on but they still won't talk! Especially smaller kids they beleive you already KNOW.
Reply:I so agree with you,my 26 yr old daughter is a single mum of twin boys and has always worked but as soon as someone knows your a single mum they always asume you sit at home on your bum bludgeing .The boys have started school now and I'm proud to say my daughter is into the 2nd year of a teaching degree at uni,but people still raise an eyebrow when they find out she is a single mum-It makes me furious!!!! Nothing can satisfy those narrow minded people.
Reply:I don't think that people are too hard on them. There is a time and place for everything. Single mom's should be able to go out every now and again and have a nice time - but not to the point where everyone else is tending to their children...etc.





I certainly have never heard that "working moms" are neglecful because they're not home enough for their children. They're out trying to support their family. That just sounds silly. Not to mention - that working moms are showing a good example for their children. Working hard is a part of life.
Reply:You know what lady, stop worrying about what people think, because you can't please everybody, you do what is right for you and your family. if you need help (welfare) get it, if you don't God bless you. its the people that abuse the system that others are really mad at.
Reply:Ignorance. It is hard to go work when you have an infant at home who has no father or family and you want to be there for them and raise them the way YOU want to raise them, not the way a daycare wants to raise them. It is hard to raise kids alone... even harder when they come back from daycare acting in a manner you feel is inappropriate because of influences there. Though, once the child starts school, there really is no excuse not to go and work.





Now the question is, why do some (not all) single mothers sit and watch soap operas all day while their kids are off at school?
Reply:We're a society that loves to blame the victim. If someone gets mugged, it's their own fault for being in that part of town, if a women is raped, she should have known better than to dress like that, and if a man abandons his wife and child, well, what was she doing with a bum like that in the first place? It's all part of the Puriatn ethic that still haunts this country and explains so many of our provincial attitudes. Ask most people about single moms and they'll repeat Ronald Reagan's fictional story about the welfare queen driving her Cadillac to the welfare office to pick up her checks. They won't tell you about the woman who's stunned to be abandoned by the man she thought loved her, who agonizes between being with her baby or leaving it with strangers so she can go to work, who has to choose every month between buying diapers or food. As long as we blame people for their own misfortunes, it frees us from having to do anything to help, or even to care.
Reply:you can't win..so you have to please yourself and not others...just concentrate on being a good mom and block out the negativity...some people are too ingnorant to understand..working hard is respected ..being on welfare is respected as well...situations...sometimes the man leave the women after she has been a stay at home mom...he doesn't give her any money she doesn't have a job...she has mouths to feed that day...she needs to get assistance...that is what its there for ...to help those who really need it....
Reply:Everyone has their own opinions on the matter and I think that they should work and raise their children. Welfare should not be used to raise anyones children!! If you need assistance for a while then get help, but dont abuse it!! The working moms are not neglecting their children if they are spending enough time with them after work. Its that simple.
Reply:I am a single mom.... I have two kids, both boys both really young and I'm only 21. I live on my own and work a full time job. It gets hard.... really hard! I only get the late afternoons with my kids and then its bedtime. I never have a whole lot extra out of my checks therefore we really never get to do anything really cool. No vacations I would never be able to afford it or be able to take time off work! hahaha But we always make it through and my kids have everything they need in life! I don't get help from anyone beside the help i get for Daycare and i still end up paying a lot extra for daycare!
Reply:i don't know why people are so hard on them...my mom is single and still raising me , my dad isn't in the picture at all, she works hard to keep us in this nice house. i don't feel neglected and i don't feel like i don't have nice things, she supports me, her, 3 cats, 2 dogs, and a leopard gecko (well i have to buy food for the last one :P). but i think i turned out alright for just living with her :)
Reply:I'm a single mom. My ex hubby doesn't contribute to my daughter's raising in the form of child support (although he's supposed too!). I work three jobs just to pay the bills and keep her under a shelter, fed, and clothed. Yes, I don't get much time with her on a day to day basis - but I had to make the decision of quality over quantity. The time I do spend with her (EVERY Sat %26amp; Sun and a night during the week) SPECIAL. Luckily, my daughter is 10 and understands why Mom has to do this - and hopefully it won't be forever.





Anyone who says I'm neglectful can kiss my white hiney - I am doing the absolute best I can with the situation I am in. Until a critic wants to criticize me for my decisions - try walking a mile or two in my shoes.. and then I'll be happy to discuss it with them. Until then - sit down and shut up. You cannot make a decision for something you know nothing about.





*getting off her soapbox* - sorry.. this one hit a nerve. :)
Reply:I think there are a lot of variables.





When we're talking about a single mother with 5 kids by 5 different men, I'm going to be pretty cheesed that my tax dollars are supporting someone who takes no personal responsibility.





When we're talking about a mom with a couple of kids, divorced or widowed, and loses that other income, it's a whole different story.

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